Time was, when I was rather good at organising my days. As a teenager fresh out of school, I had four simultaneous part-time jobs for a while. Later, I ran large multi-national retail chain stores with some success. Yet, nothing has challenged my abilities more than trying to organise my life around my current No. 1 profession, that of a single mama, juggling a new work-from-home freelance writing/blogging business with an external university degree.
Now, I hope your personal brand of insanity is a little kinder than mine but, whichever way you look at it, we women are rather good at taking on a lot and expecting ever more from ourselves.
I recently read a wonderful blog post debating the wisdom of the trend to multi-tasking, claiming, quite rightly, that it is impossible to do one thing well when you are thinking of other things at the same time, and I whole-heartedly agree.
Still, the reality for most single mothers is the constant need to juggle your responsibilities as a parent with your responsibilities as a business person or employee, often on a moment-by-moment basis. How do you do this, and retain your sanity, without hunting around in your attic for an old brass lamp (or a time machine)?
Here's a few of my new favourite time-management tools, that I am using in my life until that genie arrives:
The To-Do List. Most people claim they are either a list-maker or NOT a list-maker, but I think creating a short list of daily priorities is a learned skill, and an essential for the organised single mother.
The trick is that word, “priorities”; keep it short and put the 3-5 most essential things on top. If you must scare yourself and write it all down (and I confess that my current must-write list is almost as long as an article itself), then make sure you number them in priority order, and set yourself a small number per day to complete. Creating the To-Do list habit/addiction is all about the reward of ticking completed tasks off.
The Whiteboard. I'm a writer - I have calendars, notebooks and a very handy Home & Work Diary/Planner/Journal to manage all my activities. However, with article and blog post deadlines, uni assignments and the boyo's school activities and special days (Show and Share, Library Bus day, Assembly) to remember too, I've found the at-a-glance beauty of my new whiteboard means that the visual side of my brain and memory can quickly see and prioritise what I should do next when I am at a loose end.
The Back-Up Team. You'll hear a lot from me on the need for every single mama to have a good back-up team; by which I mean, people whom you can rely on to take on a care role with your children from time to time, when you need to get through some additional tasks, clear a backlog or meet with a client.
You may be lucky enough to have helpful family members nearby, or you may need to learn to build your tribe from scratch, remembering that the key is make the relationship reciprocal – each should benefit the other. Use the gift of the back-up team wisely – exchange play-dates with a friend when you have a high-priority task to knock over, and allow them the same freedom another time.
Personal Kindness. Where does this sit in a post about time-management? This tip can also be read as “give yourself a break”.
Slugging through a list of tasks is not always the best thing a single mama can do for herself. Sometimes, it's time to push away from the desk or phone, pull out the face-paints and transform your little monsters into their inner selves. Play, relax, have a bubble bath after they go to sleep.
The work will still be there when you get back, but your ability to focus and make those satisfying ticks will be renewed. Remember why you are doing this, and for whom, and make sure you are remembering to put them, and you, first.
Having put a big tick on my list next to this post, I'm off to transform my little man into a superhero. It's hard work, but someone's got to do it. ;
Tags: Work At Home Single Mother Single Mama Parenting Business
Much like any other aspect of parenting, single motherhood doesn't come with a manual.
Every one's journey to single motherhood is a little different: some come through grief and loss, some come through choice, and some are unsure quite how they found themselves here but are daily growing to like the place better and better. Yet few of us arrive knowing what to expect, nor how to proceed once we've reached this place.
I stood in Borders in the heart of Brisbane a couple of weeks ago; always a pleasure for me, but with some of the gloss taken off by an impatient, footsore, rather hungry small boy. It meant that I had to make the most of the few minutes I had, and I made a beeline for the Parenting section. I was on a mission, satisfying an idle speculation which was rapidly becoming a truth – that there were almost no books on Australian bookshelves about single motherhood. There really IS no manual.
So here you are – you've become a single mother, often with a whole parcel of grief and broken dreams and financial loss and stress and heartache to carry as well as your little (or not-so-little) ones.
How do you go about remaking your life?
How do you find out how to deal with the new challenges presented by parenting without a partner?
How do you know how to deal with the emotional fallout from traumatic family breakups, and how to distinguish between that fallout and regular developmental angst in your children?
How do you find time to workout, to spend time with your friends, to lie on the grass and dream of Paris?
How do you find the courage and the time to reshape your life into a form that works for you and your children alone?
I am lucky enough to live in a rather lovely rural village, and almost daily I reflect on the old adage “It takes a village to raise a child”, as I swap playdates, arrange child-minding and carpooling with my friends and their families.
I would find it infinitely challenging to do what I do, including parenting my little boy, without the support and understanding of the people in my world. They may not share my exact experiences, nor have all the answers for my particular single-mama dilemmas, but they listen and enthuse and empower me as I find my own answers and write my own manual.
Lesson Number One in the non-existent Manual for Single Motherhood: You don't have to feel alone. Somewhere, somehow, you will find people in your life with whom you can share support and understanding.
That “somewhere” can be in cyberspace, too. While I, and other single mamas online (here at HMM and elsewhere), can't necessarily help you out with childcare while you go for a interview or write that business proposal, we can certainly hear, cheer and empathise as you plan, cry or dream.
Finding the right people to support you as you remake your family's life is crucial to your future success. Your life will always be a balancing act, between your children's needs, your own personal needs and the things you need to do earn an income and reach your goals. Your friends are your safety net; whether they are related to you, or thousands of miles away connected by the interwebs, you must learn to embrace and treasure them.
Don't go it alone. Build your village, find your tribe. With their support, go forth and make the life of your dreams for yourself and your family.
Tracy Rudd can be found scribbling away for others at www.ruddygoodwriting.com, her freelance writing portfolio site, or finding ways to succeed at single mama-hood, Life, the Universe, and everything at www.thesuccessfulsinglemama.com . Contact her on tracyrudd@ruddygoodwriting.com for freelance writing services, or ssmama@thesuccessfulsinglemama.com for conversations, support and suggestions to help us become the Successful Single Mamas our children deserve, or tweet her @ruddygood.
Tags: Single Motherhood Single Mamas Parenting Success Writing Family
