Much like any other aspect of parenting, single motherhood doesn't come with a manual.
Every one's journey to single motherhood is a little different: some come through grief and loss, some come through choice, and some are unsure quite how they found themselves here but are daily growing to like the place better and better. Yet few of us arrive knowing what to expect, nor how to proceed once we've reached this place.
I stood in Borders in the heart of Brisbane a couple of weeks ago; always a pleasure for me, but with some of the gloss taken off by an impatient, footsore, rather hungry small boy. It meant that I had to make the most of the few minutes I had, and I made a beeline for the Parenting section. I was on a mission, satisfying an idle speculation which was rapidly becoming a truth – that there were almost no books on Australian bookshelves about single motherhood. There really IS no manual.
So here you are – you've become a single mother, often with a whole parcel of grief and broken dreams and financial loss and stress and heartache to carry as well as your little (or not-so-little) ones.
How do you go about remaking your life?
How do you find out how to deal with the new challenges presented by parenting without a partner?
How do you know how to deal with the emotional fallout from traumatic family breakups, and how to distinguish between that fallout and regular developmental angst in your children?
How do you find time to workout, to spend time with your friends, to lie on the grass and dream of Paris?
How do you find the courage and the time to reshape your life into a form that works for you and your children alone?
I am lucky enough to live in a rather lovely rural village, and almost daily I reflect on the old adage “It takes a village to raise a child”, as I swap playdates, arrange child-minding and carpooling with my friends and their families.
I would find it infinitely challenging to do what I do, including parenting my little boy, without the support and understanding of the people in my world. They may not share my exact experiences, nor have all the answers for my particular single-mama dilemmas, but they listen and enthuse and empower me as I find my own answers and write my own manual.
Lesson Number One in the non-existent Manual for Single Motherhood: You don't have to feel alone. Somewhere, somehow, you will find people in your life with whom you can share support and understanding.
That “somewhere” can be in cyberspace, too. While I, and other single mamas online (here at HMM and elsewhere), can't necessarily help you out with childcare while you go for a interview or write that business proposal, we can certainly hear, cheer and empathise as you plan, cry or dream.
Finding the right people to support you as you remake your family's life is crucial to your future success. Your life will always be a balancing act, between your children's needs, your own personal needs and the things you need to do earn an income and reach your goals. Your friends are your safety net; whether they are related to you, or thousands of miles away connected by the interwebs, you must learn to embrace and treasure them.
Don't go it alone. Build your village, find your tribe. With their support, go forth and make the life of your dreams for yourself and your family.
Tracy Rudd can be found scribbling away for others at www.ruddygoodwriting.com, her freelance writing portfolio site, or finding ways to succeed at single mama-hood, Life, the Universe, and everything at www.thesuccessfulsinglemama.com . Contact her on tracyrudd@ruddygoodwriting.com for freelance writing services, or ssmama@thesuccessfulsinglemama.com for conversations, support and suggestions to help us become the Successful Single Mamas our children deserve, or tweet her @ruddygood.
Tags: Single Motherhood Single Mamas Parenting Success Writing Family
